Lose Your Life

Do you ever stare at your reflection too long? And it all becomes real? Time is momentarily suspended, and you see who you are. One body, one human life form with all the limbs, the mouth, the curious eyes.

This is me. This is who I am. This is the body I have been given, this is the vessel that I will have control over the entirety of my life. (I'm not sure why this thought scares me.)

Maybe because our reflection is a horrible indication of who we are. A reflective surface does not do us justice. We are a collection - a beautiful web if thoughts and emotions - we are so incredibly defined by what is not visibly seen with the eye.

The body, my face - they appear as a stranger to me. There are so many pieces of me scattered everywhere, so much more to me that is hidden behind skin and bone and flesh.

I do not see myself when I look in the mirror; The physicality is true, yes, but I extend infinitely past my definition as a lump of matter.
I see myself when I feel love.
I see myself when I gaze at the clouds.
I see myself in the eyes of the elderly.
I see myself in the writings of my journal.
I see myself when I spend time with people, oh, how I see myself! When the conversation  or moment is just right, I suddenly know who I am - like I was meant to be (born to be) alive and present in this very moment, feeling all these feelings with this other living, breathing human life form beside me.
I see myself in the joy of life; the pain of life.
I see myself as a connection, a connection to God, the creator and sustainer of all life, the answer, the all. I see myself as an element of Him - crafted and vast. Respectfully made of so much more than skin and bone and flesh.
I see myself in the world, swirling, spinning, in figuring life out - in deciphering the madness of my mind.

As for my reflection, I simply see a crazy girl attempting to make sense of the world by scribbling on this page.