let today be today

let yourself feel today

let yourself love today

let yourself grieve today

let yourself free today

be yourself today -

whatever "you" today brings

don't feel how you

think you should feel.

feel how you're feeling

and let it be. 

sorry for the bleakness (I'm not really apologizing)

Pissed off at the world
because nothing is the same.
You're gone and I swear
that the world has shifted
and now turns on a new axle.
A detrimental axle.
(Why can't everyone feel it?
Am I the only one?)
And what the hell is wrong
with my mind?
I have thoughts that
I didn't even know
my brain was capable
of having: chaos in my mind.

My advice to you;
never lose someone,
this may happen to you.
And if you do?
Read this and know
that you're not the only
messed up one
out there.

this new skin

this new skin
this new skin
this new skin
that I'm in
will take some adjusting,
I suppose.

But I did not ask
for this new skin;
I did not willingly
shed the old skin;
it was ripped off me
as I cried next to
your lifeless body
on the living room floor.

With each tear,
with each touch
of your hand,
feeling it grow
colder and colder,
life as I knew it
was ending.
Death likes to take
sanity along with it,
and skin - involuntarily.

I am not living
my life anymore.
I am living in
a new skin.
A skin with the
absence of my
faith, hope, and love
(as I knew them).
These were ripped
off in death.

this new skin
this new skin
this new skin
that I'm in
is not enjoyable,
but in what other
skin will I live?

This is my fate.

Lao Tzu

I am a collection
of all my thoughts;
I am a collection
of all my actions.
I am a collection
of all that have come before me
and all that surround me.

I am a collection
of beautiful mystery;
a piece of the great unknown
(which is life).
I am a collection and connection
to God, the God of Love
(however you see Him:
nature clouds, people,
doubt, exploration)

We are all a collection of one -
each being is our neighbor.
We each express stark individuality
but have a unifying connection
of life-giving Beauty
(I see Him as clouds)
living inside us.

a brief look into my mind on 4/1/14 (scattered thoughts)

1.) The way I see it is this -
grief can create a fool of you,
or it can be a way to glorify
the life that was lost,
and to express your love
to that person by living
a brighter and more
beautiful life.

2.) I sat
and I saw
a long journey
ahead of me,

a necessary journey
with light at the end.

3.) I took a step
to start my new life today.

As a new being,
a new spiritual being,
a new life with one less,
but in the process
of gaining much more.

Your death will be glorified.

Those days where
the sky doesn't
look (even slightly) real;
it's far too beautiful,
it's far too lovely
to be in plain sight
for the entire world.

Surely it's a painting
or an outcome of
my imagination.

On these days,
I find myself believing
in the power of
the great Unknown -
whatever is beyond
those clouds
is the answer.