From where I stand,
if I stretch my neck
and flex my tippy toes,

I can see hope
far in the distance-
a light, a faint pinkish-rose.

But the path that I travel
is far from easy-
the winds, they ebb and flow

to blow me off course
but I will trek along
on this road that I have chose.

nothing seems permanent 

except maybe

my fascination

with impermanence

I saw the light at the end of the tunnel today.

The brilliant, glorious light that reminded me that hope has not been depleted, nor will it ever be depleted; there is indeed beauty that awaits me at the end of the path I am traveling.

The light that told me that I am not alone, nor have I ever been alone, nor will I ever travel one step without this light guiding me. Though not always seen, the light is always present - even when my eyes are too cloudy to register its reassuring brightness.

And when glancing upon this light I came to the realization that the same light that guides and protects also resides in my heart, showering me with a certain importance, a meaning that can only be fulfilled by me. And indeed the way to fulfill this significance is to keep trekking along the path, to keep following the light no matter where it may lead.

And the source of this light, this eternally burning, eternally guiding flame will never escape from me, and I never from it -

For I live in the light, and the light lives in me.



It's a beautifully inescapable love story.

thoughts on God this week

1.)
The only prayer that is sensible to me right now (possibly the most sensible prayer I've ever prayed):
God,
Help me to be the best me that you made me to be,
And help me to love You & others well.

2.)
I'm abandoning religion for something greater -
I'm abandoning religion for a life with God.

A life not defined by doctrines or rules,
A life defined by wholehearted love
For the One who made it all.

Why the hell am I here -
forced to face my existence
with some sensible form of reason,
yet knowing full well
that I will never receive
a definite explanation
as to why my two feet
were unwillingly placed here
on this specified orb floating
in the vast, mysterious universe?

Life is ridiculously perplexing
if you break through
the monotony of everyday life
to think about it -

But it's worth it.
(I hope)

for dad

I am so very me
Because so very much of you
Has shaped
Me to be me

Why has it taken me
So long to see?
You'll always be with me

The waves crash in the deep blue sea;
The wind caresses the tall oak tree

And in them lives you,

So in them lives me

I am either completely in love with life,
fully immersed, falling head first into
a pit of wonder and whimsy and excitement,
or I am going utterly insane.

I think it's a combination of the two.

But there's a word for this high.
Elation: it is a funny feeling -
you're floating in the clouds,
you're worry free, you're inspired.
But perhaps the most satisfying side effect
of a bout of elation is the inability
to be present anywhere except
the current moment.

It usually happens (for me) after
coffee, after writing,
after God, music, people -
but no matter what produces the feeling,
we should take it and hold it
and live and be free
in our momentary state of bliss.

some thoughts

1.)
If one were to claim that our existence is ordinary,
well, that would be an extraordinary claim -

For I have learned that nothing pertaining to our existence
can be described as mundane..

There are too many beautiful,
indescribable,
and compelling
things occurring.


2.)
I do not feel inspired to write -
I feel inspired to be, to live, to explore!
Yet I find myself writing about being.

What sense does this make?

from the beautiful words of Rumi, a 13-century Sufi mystic & poet

thoughts by the graveside - 8/5/14

I don't know much about anything, in fact, I will admit that I don't know anything about so very much. And this thought often makes me feel scared and unwell. I want to feel powerful and and important, well-know and highly esteemed for unearthly, hidden wisdom and knowledge. But in reality, there's an infinite world of mysteries that could not possibly be unveiled to me while I am a wayfarer here on earth.

I simply know what I've learned in my twenty years in this body. I know what I've felt, I know what I've experienced - I know these full well. We are all very different. No two humans alike. And each life and creature that breathes has their own way of understanding the universe. Although I have found that thinking of my awfully limited lifespan, which is confined to this particular body, to be terrifying, I've also found it to be equally beautiful and awakening. I am the only me that will ever be, there will never be one that exists quite like my personal bundle of flesh and bones and thoughts. This is a liberating encouragement to be myself. We aren't required to change ourselves or be who we aren't because because only one of you was made. And there's no pressure to be someone else - that role is already taken.

And when it comes to others, how freeing is it to love others as they come to you? Not to morph them into a being to serve you or to satisfy you, but to notice how they differ from you and to love them anyway? This is so powerful. One of the most noble deeds that you may ever do in your lifetime is to love those that you have no business loving. How lovely is that?

And amidst my cloud of unknowing in this life, the cloud that I often try to pierce and understand (unsuccessfully, I might add), I have learned that uncertainty is okay. In fact, uncertainty is more than okay, it's a vital, driving force that keeps us pressing forward, keeps us awake and alive and on our toes, keeps us searching for our meaning and purpose in life - wherever you may find it. 

I can't help but believe that uncertainty leads to truth, that questions lead to answers,

and that unknowing leads to knowing full well that we will never have all the answers, 

but what's life without the element of mystery?