You have a gap?
Fill it.
With people, with God
(there are one in the same),
with ice cream, if necessary.
Promise me -
that you won't feel alone, sweetie.
What brings your joy, comfort?
These things are true,
they bring your Oneness,
fullness with Love.

Beautiful words.

These are people of brightness,
illuminating the world around you,
extinguishing the darkness
by radiating light.

What if we all made a conscious effort to be this kind of person?
What if we believed in others so much that we begin to see truth in them?
What if the truth we notice in others is really pointing to something Greater?
What if we could benefit from loving others for who they are as much as they benefit from it?

The answer to all these questions:
The world would be an insanely different place.

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Are you bright
and fancy enough
with your nuggets
of thoughts
and one-liners?
If you phrase it just right,
you might enchant someone.
Isn't that what you want?

You don't want to
know what's in here.
I would not fit in.
You shouldn't know
the constant flickering
of questions and doubt.
I would not belong.

You do not want
the burden of this brain.
You would not retweet it.

taking a walk on February 21st, 2014

It should not be
mentally acceptable
to be consumed
with so much happiness
and so much indecisiveness
in one moment.

I can't control the madness
of my mind.
It darts and fly's ten thousand
places at once.
There's no internal resting place.

Some days I want to kill
my mind and
all the questions;
other days I want to
dwell in them,
I want to feel them and the
uncertainty, as if it brings me
some form of cruel comfort.

Tell me, God, where are you
present in these days?

The Sun is constantly supplying its light
to an undeserving Earth.
The Sun doesn't ask for anything back.

This is a radical love.
And it confuses me.
Because it's so different from the way that we love as human beings.
We want constant affirmation; we want to know that what we're doing for others is appreciated and noticed.

What if we really didn't have any stipulations for our love for others?
What if it poured out like the Sun,
and what if we didn't ask for anything in return?

It would change everything.

is this what it's like to be in love

I think and I pry
but still you catch my eye.
You're a demon, you're a doll;
there's no peace in this at all.
Just chaos and confusion,
my dear I have been losing
my mind every night,
I'm on a downward plight.

Please, reach Your hand out for me,
save me from the sea
of earthly love and delight
and bathe me in Your Light.

I try so hard to play it cool

and escape from the typical.

"There must be more", 

I think to myself.

But what if it's all

in front of me? 

What if I have known

the truth all along,

but I lost my courage 

to believe it? 

A quote from A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

"Not that I am (I think) in much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is coming to believe such dreadful things about Him. The conclusion I dread is not, "So there's no God after all", but, "So this is what God's really like. Deceive yourself no longer."

Beautiful words. There are no better words to describe how my spirituality is progressing right now.

You think that you have it all figured out, you think that you have God figured out, you think that you have a grasp of the unknown,
then wham.
You're hit. You're down.
Everything you thought to be true, everything you had built up and believed in is challenged, even shattered. Pieces are left, the truth is scattered. Where do you go from here?

And in the midst of going through this tribulation (I wouldn't even call it a tribulation; it is simply life), I am unsure of what I believe. But as Lewis says, I am in no danger of ceasing to believe in God; He has such a strong hold on me. Abandoning Him would be like throwing in the towel, giving up. I'm not ready for that.
But my view of Him is changing, it's shifting, and I often find myself on sinking sand; questioning and exploring. I'm starting to believe that there's a lot more to Him than I thought before.
What is God really like? Of that, I am still not sure. And I will never be sure until I reach the moment when I stand in the Sunlight, indefinitely. One constant I have learned about God is love. I find Him in love. I also find Him in so many other feelings and emotions, but the strongest one is love. It's undeniable. When I see or experience love I think of Him.

I know that He is love. I know that I believe in Him. As for everything else, at this moment in time I am not quite sure. One thing that I am hoping for is this; in uncertainty, I will find truth.

Fin.

I'm dying to know -
what does your mind feel like?

Is it swirling, spinning,
uncontrollable,
and terrifying?
Is it taking over
the place of your heart?
Is it detrimental?
Is it consuming from
the inside out?

Or is it peaceful?
Does it hold the truth?

desire

I'd like to meet
the One
who has it
all
figured
out.

outside

Welcome home,
my tiny wayfarer.
It's all here now.
Look around you:
Answers.
They are present.

Get a glimpse
of what so few
discover!
Blessed is the
wayfarer that searches;
they will find truth.

on the topic of being alone

Stagnant and free,

the place I love to be.

It sets the stage for motion

in a world of chaos and commotion.

I'm in that place again.

My mind runs wild.

Dreaming, oh, the possibilities!

It's quite overstimulating.

That infinite feeling,

endless hope, and endless God.

My mind runs wild.

Contentment and reality

mix as one.

Where am I, again? -

Floating, above it all.

Everything's right. Nothing's wrong.

Connected to the sky, journal in hand.

Brightness fills my sight and

my heart runs wild.

I'm telling you, my tiny wayfarer,

being alone isn't so bad. 

I have this sense
of internal peace
that I can't explain.

Life spirals, spins,
topples, and I'm
losing control;
but the peace remains.

This is God.

The sky is beautiful.
The clouds look like home,
pleasant and inviting,
full of wonder, full of life.
Nothing is greater
than what my eyes see
when I look up.

So, my tiny wayfarer, look up,
and be inspired
and let your imagination soar
and let your dreams run free.
Let yourself feel and be alive
and think life through.
Create and invent this day
to match the beauty
of the sky.
(This is impossible -
but worth the attempt).

Snow

Where are You
in the still of today.
It's quiet -
but Your voice, audible, fluttering
dances in my ears.

How present are You?
Just how close to my heart?
I feel intertwined
with the mystery
of Your presence.

Written at Midnight

Life can kick you down,
and - trust the unfortunate here - it will.
It's going to declare that you're
wrong
Wrong
WRONG!
Some advice - kill your life!
Do not become enslaved to
negotiating with your demons.
Tell life that you will NOT
bargain with it,
that you will NOT sell your soul
to worrying and comparison.
KILL THE MIND AND THE
DEMONS THAT LIVE INSIDE.
You will no longer be consumed
by detrimental thoughts
(but they won't escape) -
ESCAPE THEM. FLEE.

Run to the distance -
where the Sunlight lives.
Separate yourself from
this cruel, cruel life.
Float high above,
in the clouds, with love,
in It's unadulterated form.

Be free from this life -
you'll be compensated in a
fresh, lovely world,
where minds are at peace
(not on edge!).
I promise you this -
you'll dance, alive and new.

Hurry -
time is slipping, hope is depleting,
ESCAPE NOW.

Let Dance Rule

To all flowers,
let beauty grow.
To all sunbeams,
let light overcome.
To all winds,
let uncertainty guide.
To all clouds,
let wandering ensure.
To all birds,
let wings propel.

And to all free souls,
let dance rule
in your hearts.

You'll realize
that people are
really, really incredible
once you start
paying attention
to them.

Open your
eyes, heart, mind,
to let someone
be incredible.
And I promise
you'll be amazed.

You may even
see God
if you are
looking for Him.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing

and rightdoing there is a field.

I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass

the world is too full to talk about."

Past anything of our comprehension, 

past our shame and guilt and pride,

there is a safe place.

God lives there.

He's always been there.

He's waiting for us there.

The field is where broken souls go,

the ones that have given up 

on trying to understand why.

They just want peace of mind.

The soul will come to this field

and it will be set free - finally!

It won't speak -

words are a profanity,

it will just be, one with God.

Oh, how I long for this field.