Monday, December 16, 2013

What if I told you
that your life isn't about
constant improvement?
What if I told you,
that in this life,
you don't have to be
anything more than you are.

Let me tell you -
you can not improve yourself.
You, yourself,
as a simple human being,
can not become of more worth
on your own.
I believe this to be an absolute promise.

Look up.
There's a Power up there;
I haven't met the Presense
but I have overwhelming feelings
that It's there when I call out to it.

When do I call out?
I call out when I feel overwhelmed,
bogged down by the pressure
to be better, to do more,
and despite my best, honest attempts
I fail. Over and over.
A vicious cycle
of failing, inferiority, comparison.
It's seemingly never-ending.

I want to improve.
I want to do more, to be more,
to be shiny and new everyday.
To love deeper, to understand fully
what the commotion
around me is all about.

But my little disconnected brain
could not possibly do this
on it's own.
It's limited to
my puny, human understanding,
I'm inefficacious
in changing my path.

So I call out
to this Presence.
It speaks in a voice, unheard,
mysterious, yet understandable.
It tells me that if I want to
be shiny and new,
if I want to be more than I am,
then I have to surrender to It.
I have to give It all that I have.

The pressure to improve is off,
the pressure to be more is off,
the pressure to perform is off.
Because grace has filled in
all the cracks,
even the miniscule cracks,
where I have failed
at being better.

And I find that after I've been mended,
I start discovering the
solution to improving my life
(which I've found to be giving it away).
Constant improvements do not
have to be done by me,
a selfish, stingy human being.
The Presence told me
that It's taking care of them.
And the craziest thing is -
I notice a difference.

What my tiny brain does understand,
after the Presence has engulfed it,
is that I don't have to be
more than I am,
because I am being made wonderful
by something greater than myself. 

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