Are you keenly aware of your feet moving
in a impetuous fashion, propelling you through another day?
Are you stopping to relish in the beauty
of the radiant, shining sun, feeling the warmth blanket your skin?
Are you noticing the beating human hearts that surround you
as you walk the streets, respecting each human as uniformly important?

You are alive,
but are you living?

maybe

Maybe things get worse
before they get better.
Maybe there's a tiny light
that shines in even
the darkest of days.

Maybe as we grow older
we grow wiser;
acquiring experiences and
knowledge only learned
by the weathering away
of years.

Maybe time heals wounds.
Maybe faith heals the broken.
Maybe questions are the answer.
Maybe love is all you need.
Maybe life is a mystery
not meant to be solved
but meant to be
consciously felt
and personally experienced.

Maybe, just maybe,
uncertainty is beautiful.

Here I sit
the thirteenth of June, a Friday,
in the year of two thousand and fourteen.

I gaze upon
the baby blue infinite sky
creating a quintessential backdrop
for the green leaves of trees
carelessly flowing,
passively surrendered to the waves of the wind.

And a million questions circulate
through my bewildered mind,

but as I gaze upon the beautiful phenomenon
occurring before me,

I feel okay.

on the topic of being alive 

1.)
I feel creative and
I feel an iota of something similar to teen angst.
I feel angry and
supremely liberated at the same time.
I feel incredibly confused about life
yet undoubtedly in love with a God
who has all the answers.

I feel inner turmoil and
I feel inner peace.
I feel it all.
I feel alive;
and isn't that what I've always wanted?


2.)
I think we're all living to feel alive. If we didn't feel as though our existence is worth something, then why else would we live?
That's why humans are in relentless, continual pursuit to find something, someone, anything that makes them feel infinite, important, meaningful: alive.

These things we cling to, these beacons of hope, keep us moving and keep us reminded that we are very much so in existence and full of an intended purpose.

Grief is a peculiar thing.
It strips away the life that you knew,
but it leaves behind a being
reborn and new, yet dazzed and bewildered,
alive in the wake of disaster.

I do believe that we have free will.
An exceptionally beautiful facet of life is the complete authority to govern your own life.
But I will throw you a curve ball here: how much of our life (our individualized human experience) is actually ours?
Hasn't a majority (if not all) of what we know, what we believe, been taught to us? We are presented with thoughts and ideas and we mold them to fit our lives.
We've been morphed and shaped to be who we are based on our surroundings, how we were raised, what we know (I am not dispelling the fact that we are able to break free of our molds - we are, but they are still deeply ingrained in the essence of who we are).
I think that we'd like to view life as a subjective experience, when in fact, a majority of it is probably objective - concepts that we have been taught to believe by others, passed down and lived out from person to person, time to time).

I'll use this analogy: we were born with a cone on our heads. (You know, sorta like those awkward ones that they put around dogs neck to prevent them from licking themselves and causing infection?)
When you were young, your scope of knowledge, your understanding of the world was incredibly narrow. You knew what those who raised you knew.
As you grow older and experience life outside the domain of a constant caregiver(s) with their own perception of life, the cone gradually expands as you meet new people and experience new lifestyles and learn that everyone's not like you.
The cone has expanded, but it's still the same cone, it's still the same foundational element that you were born with. Your basic understanding of the world is more or less still the same: objective.
You catch some subjective experiences here and there (which I personally consider direct experiences with the Divine) and widen the cone, but the framework has already been set.

So, why do I write about this?
I want to rip the cone off
and become my own being.
Not a collection of all that came before me;
but a free being, One with the Divine.

I want to experience life without preconceived judgments
but I'm afraid that this isn't possible.

Where is the logic in Love?

Love dispels reason.

I'm convinced that Love dispels everything -

it is the core, the answer,

the God that we all search for (in some form or another).

It is interwoven in our hearts.

It has always been there,

and it will always be there.

When we tap into our inner source of Love

we become who we were intended to be -

beings not built on logic and explanation,

but instead on Love and feeling.